23DEC20 Seasons Greetings!

Introduction to Me as a Muse

This is the 11 card “Shining Star” spread that I favor the most for my readings. I very much appreciate knowing the four positions of Material, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual they created in this spread. From my perspective, Time is all in my imagination. The whole concept of measuring time and coordinating timing was conceived and further developed in the minds of humans to better understand and manipulate their environments. That’s all. Therefore I place “Time” in the dimension or realm of the Mental.

I also agree with the perception that Mental and Spiritual are separate “places” regardless that the only way I am able to perceive the “Spiritual Realm” is with my imagination and intuition.

I have yet to see any one showing themselves able to perceive anything considered “spiritual” in nature with only one’s physical senses and no interpretations of all that physical information into “thoughts” or “feelings” at all.

We are simply incapable of being both “alive” in any sense of the word and existing in only one dimension for even a split second… even by force of really, really strong will or great oblivious denial.

In this logic, I extend my agreement that the Emotional Realm exists for humans as well… and yet emotions could not exist in me at all without the ability to imagine one (only one? Good luck.) and then interpret a reason (think) why I felt that way in the first place. There are things I’ve felt and thought about for years and years and still don’t know why. I’m pretty sure that is part of the definition of “human being.”

I rarely feel the urge to lay a spread for myself because I know for a fact my “intuition” in this case is biased in my own favor simply because I’m human. Also, I don’t usually need my cards to tell me what surrounds me and what my problem is, I have a decent grasp on my situation, I believe. I have screaming nightmares every time I try to sleep that inform me more directly all that information.

Blessed Reading #1

I call this reading “blessed” because I meditated on Prayer #99 by Abdu’l-Baha in the 1967 edition of “Baha’i Prayers” by the National Spiritual Assembly of the British Isles for some time while shuffling my brand new deck of cards as thoroughly as I felt the cards needed to be shuffled.

My intention was to lay a spread for those few of you who read my site and the general public whoever cares to see it so that I am not trying to focus on myself but instead have someone else in mind like I would for a client.

It’s rather egotistical to think of the whole of humanity as being my client in this first of these kinds of readings I would like to offer here. But I so very much wanted to show my “muse” talents so people have an idea of how my tarot card readings might work to understand our environments and greater utilize our opportunities as they are presented.

The result surprised me in its pinpointed detailing of me and what difficulties surround me at this moment and I identify keenly with each card and the spread as a whole to the point that I feel as though I resonate with the deeper meanings the prayer imbued into my pondering the spread.

It seems as though my ego is rather much larger than I formerly presumed and I find it impossible to relate my interpretations of the spread in general terms meant for unknown persons outside of my ken. It’s all about me and my life and people I know and a specific answer to the prayer I meditated upon during the preparation process.

Really, I have no idea why I didn’t think of meditating on a prayer as part of laying out a spread before now except to say that I deliberately try to focus on others and be more detached (if not actually humble at all) with myself so that I don’t unduly influence the message intended for someone else.

One expected option is for me to give you my full interpretation of this reading as it occurs to me. That would expose me in a way that I feel is far more revealing than I ever dared publish before but in retrospect that’s mostly what I intended when I decided to do the reading just to see what would happen.

I yearn for someone to “know” me whether they agree with me or not. While at the same time I cannot permit myself to impose my perspectives or ways of doing things upon someone else.

As a professional tarot card reader, not one person has wanted to know about me and my personal story beyond knowing a little something that reassures them that my readings are accurate and profound. Understandably, each and every person I’ve ever given a reading has wanted to know about themselves and nothing else unless it pertains to them in some way.

But in all actuality, I am an integral part of those readings regardless how much I distance myself from them and utilize the utmost of my humility.

There is no way of knowing how much of “me” it takes to give another being inspiration to accomplish something that tips the balance in humanity’s favor and brings us one more step toward Perfection. I can only offer myself as an example and trust you will make of me what you will.

Blessed Reading #1: Laid 13DEC20

1. #20 in the higher arcana – Judgment. In the position of the Material.Death. Final Judgment. May not be physical death. Day of Judgment in the sense of the individual.

2. #12 in the higher arcana – Sun Dance. In the position of the Emotional.Symbolic death. The annihilation of self. Sacrifice. To endure through trials and anguish regardless the end.

3. #2 in the higher arcana – Corn Maiden. In the position of the Mental.She is the ultimate fertility goddess. Corn Maiden represents vast potential.

4. Five of Blades – Spiritualist. In the position of the Spiritual. (Often the card shown to represent me in past readings for friends and repeat clients).Coming to terms with the non-material aspects of life and looking beyond, within and backward to adjust. Also a warning to let go of self-delusion. Things are not what they used to be.

5. Chief of Pipes. In the position of the Material.A grown man known to the querant. He is an honest and conscientious person. Mature, wise and sympathetic, he is often slow and deliberate in making up his mind because he perceives both sides of every question.

   Note: Physical gender of all persons represented in my readings are irrelevant in terms of the cards themselves. Tarot suggests the best card to represent the individual and should be read in context with the rest of the spread as interpreted by the querant against what is known in “its” experience. Generally, these cards are accurate in gender as well as the other qualities of the person and all qualities are equally open to interpretation.

6. Six of Blades – Journey. In the position of the Emotional.The essence of Journey is travel for gain but not necessarily for pleasure. Journey is a time for expansion on all levels.

7. Ten of Vessels – Happy Family. In the position of the Mental.The essence of Happy Family is first things first. The best that parents can do for their children is love each other. Take care of home first, the rest will follow.

8. Ace of Vessels. In the position of the Spiritual.The essence of the Ace of Vessels is the fulfillment, the beginning of or the renewal of love.

9. Three of Pipes – Joint Effort. In the first position of the Heart of the Matter.Joint Effort is the cooperation needed to build a strong foundation with constant flow of energy for [future] growth.

10. Maiden of Blades. In the second position of the Heart of the Matter.A young woman known to the querant. She is stern, vengeful, destructively logical, firm and aggressive and is endowed with great common sense and subtlety. In practical affairs, especially if they are unconventional, she shows great cleverness and is adept at settling controversies.

11. Eight of Shields – Sand Painter. In the final position of the Heart of the Matter set crossing the first two.The essence of Sand Painter is luck through spiritual and artistic pursuits. But one must remain in tune with nature.

Overall interpretation:

This reading is so complex that I’ve been sitting here for two days trying to pare it down to the “overall” essence and the human “heart” of me simply resists. And that’s after laying the spread on 13DEC20, handwriting the divination in one of my journals in direct reference to the little book published with the cards, and contemplating the whole thing since then.

What I know of my reputation, it is terribly dangerous for me to simply say what occurs to me to say to you regarding what I think and feel about this spread, much less a reading that strikes me so personally. But not taking the risk here on my own website just defeats the whole purpose of hosting a domain in the first place that is specifically intended for public consumption. There are just some things I have learned will inspire not only severe rejection of me in my entirety, also a fair amount of hostility and more hostile than that. So far to the point of strangers conspiring against me to “put me away” for the rest of my life. Well no, there are laws against that sort of thing but so what?

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Just the way this world works.

I won’t give you a stern talking to like this reading suggests to me because in reality – my reality – this message was a response to my prayerful meditations and inquiry out into the vast Unknown in the mere hopes to reach some (any?) Powers That Be and at least be heard in such a way that I might perceive some kind of response from Them in return… even indirectly through my physical senses via the tools (tarot cards and meditation) I’ve learned to use to guide me in my thinking and decision making and then handling the consequences of my actions from there forward. If that was a “stern” message for me then maybe that’s a feeling that will motivate me to think “bigger” or “differently” instead.

Because I believe all of those Powers, each and every Name, would not truly scold me for being human. Especially when I am doing my utmost (most of the time) to make those sacrifices a daughter or mother makes or an employee makes or a best friend makes every moment of my life.

Whatever judgment I’ve ever known has always, every single time, been entirely human in origin, including all the negative things I say to myself in my mother’s or someone else’s voice in my mind.

My former partner is a Vietnam Veteran and he has told me several times to never give “Them” (the enemy) ammunition because you will be the first one killed with it. The problem for me was trying to figure out how to confide in a friend without turning him into an enemy in the end and having all that “ammunition” I gave him over the years used against me in the hostility of our parting.

However, parting the “right” way didn’t work at all either. So, no, I just can’t “make public” my interpretation of this reading regardless none of it could possibly apply to someone else the way I might apply it to myself. It absolutely will be taken the wrong way by someone and that’s all the spark it would take to see me dead for real… not just desperately ruined to incapacity and utter malfunction in society.

The only way this specific spread might mean anything at all to you on a deeply profound level is if you meditated on that one prayer by Abdu’l-Baha that I did, contemplated the definitions of each card and decided that, all together, it meant something to you where you could apply your interpretations to your own life. We must all do our own “dirty work” or it won’t get done.

To quote a common “ship girl” phrase used in the 1980s, “What do you think of me? Just-just?” Meaning I’m unworthy of respect because I’m (a female) human and want to enjoy sex with everyone I consent to have sex with and generally for being “free and easy” in this nation and this day and age. At least back then I was able to put my own two cents worth into what others thought of me directly.

If I can be institutionalized by criminals based upon my “medical history” and whatever reputation that had preceded me into all this havoc this year (a full 21 years after my last ship girl experience), then yes, I am just-just and not safe anywhere in this world.

All humans are both predator and prey in all realms at the same time. However, humans are so vastly much more than simply animals native to this planet.

Thus, the importance of understanding one’s place in all God’s realms (at the same time) and no human being outside of your own imagination can give you specific answers without you handing them your ammunition first and each telling you exactly what you want to hear…. or worse. Just the way things are, I guess.

I have allowed WoE members comments to my posts and my next thing will be to add at least one forum for people to discuss topics of interest with me and each other.

If I can get some interaction with others then perhaps some trust could be built between us and then we will be getting somewhere. All this idea of influencing or saving the world single handed… utter bullshit and we all know it.

Unite. Promote Unity in everything you think and say and do.

Or don’t.

You all agonize regardless of the outcome just like I do. It is what it is and it is only what you each make of it for yourselves.

Seasons of profound greetings to you and yours.